Not sure why all the Right To Hike and other such events make me feel hot all over...like I'm going to rage-cry. I donate to the Humane Society and Mere's martial arts charity...these things ARE important to me, but I can't imagine being at something like that. All those people...together thinking about her at once. It should be beautiful to me, but the idea scares me to death. It reminds me of her funeral (memorial) where the whole time I felt I was going to crawl out of my own skin.

I know I should be more over this. People die every day. People have lost their loved ones in worse ways. We were only friends for three years.

But you can't make me go.

I think I'm stuck in the wrong stage of grief.