For those reading here for updates, I'm sorry, but i don't think I can do this anymore. When this first happened, relating what was going on gave me a since of purpose...gave me the chance to get it out of my heart.
Now, for the place I'm in, every time I talk about it, its like its a sliver of glass worming deeper into my heart.
I'm taking myself off my news emailers for news on this story. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. It helped in the beginning, and now its just making things worse.
Many of you said I was strong for relating the news as I went; I still maintain that this was a symptom of my weakness. If I was telling others, I didn't have to sit on it, let it affect me. It could just pour out and then I could look at it from a distance.
The more visceral this crime becomes, the more I have to re-acknowledge that it is real. The this happened to someone I loved. What was a source of solace has become a reaffirmation of pain.
No more. Not for now, at least.
4 comments:
You are still brave.
You are still strong.
You will get through this.
I love you, dear.
As always, you do what you need to do honey, and don't apologise to us.
I understand totally. Take care of yourself. And maybe we can see each other before too long.
I don't know you, and I didn't know Meredith, but I was deeply drawn to this story and shed many tears for Meredith. I stumbled upon some of your posts on GR, and in a weird way reading all of your happy stories about Meredith made me feel better. To know what a wonderful person she was and how many lives she had touched.
When you first decided to start this blog, I thought you would continue to post your favorite stories about Meredith. It seemed however that many of the posts began to be about news updates on the story, which became very upsetting to you.
I certainly understand your need to stop following and reporting on these updates. If you ever want to just post about your favorite Meredith stories, you've got a lot of people who would be happy to listen.
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